This is the continuing tale of how Ray Rice was suspended indefinitely by the Baltimore Ravens after “new” video footage surfaced. The footage showed Ray hitting his future wife, Janay, until she knocked her head on a rail. After she was unconscious, Ray continued to kick Janay’s body. The video was extremely difficult to watch. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell claimed that he did not see the video prior to its release to the public, but questions remain. I’m curious to see if female fans will continue to support the NFL. Ray Rice is a high-profile example of how domestic violence is treated in the NFL. There’s a whole slew of other recent cases involving NFL players. The association drew up a new DV policy, but will it help?
Ray Rice should be toast as far as the NFL is concerned. Late yesterday afternoon, commissioner Goodell admitted that he hasn’t ruled out a return for Rice. The good news? Rice’s sponsors are falling by the wayside. Nike announced yesterday that they cancelled Rice’s contract in light of the new footage. The sponsorship should have been dropped months ago, but it’s hard to blame Nike when the Ravens dragged their feet until damning footage went public. Rice broke his silence yesterday to say, “I have to be strong for my wife.” Uh-huh.
The victim in this situation, Janay, has posted the following message to Instagram. She blames the media:
“I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend. But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass of for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific.
“THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!”
[From Janay Rice on Instagram]
A lot of people can’t understand why Janay would defend her abusive husband in such a way. No judgment. Janay is in the midst of a dangerous situation. We already saw what Ray did to her under “favorable” conditions in an elevator. He spit on her and knocked her unconscious. Now he’s lost several millions of dollars. He’s probably resentful as hell and livid. Every DV situation is different, but I suspect Janay is (consciously or not) doing what she can to survive. Remember, the Baltimore Ravens already pressured Janay into apologizing for the “role that she played” in being beaten by Ray Rice. Janay has been conditioned to think her husband’s violent actions are her fault. I hope she can extricate herself from the situation before it’s too late.
The Rice situation spawned a heartbreaking discussion on social media. On Twitter, author Beverly Gooden started the #WhyIstayed & #WhyIleft tags. Here are many examples from the thread. I got carried away with the volume of this discussion, but it’s worth it. Mia Farrow (yes) chimes in too:
* Beverly Gooden: I tried to leave the house once after an abusive episode, and he blocked me. He slept in front of the door that entire night. #WhyIStayed
* Mia Farrow: #whyistayed -love/emotional dependence /diminished self respect/ denial #whyileft – denial crashed: enter clarity, strength, courage
* Doree Anne: “My girls needed a father, #whyistayed. My girls needed a mother, #whyileft.”
* Asha Bandale: I felt shame being a single mother. #whyistayed I felt worse knowing my daughter saw him hit me #whyileft
* JarraLynne: #WhyIStayed My college dean told me I would ruin his future if I spoke up. #whyileft I pledged Delta and got the hell on
* Cruikshank: “#whyistayed She convinced me that I would be alone if I didn’t stay. I even stayed after she put me in the hospital. Men get abused too.”
* WalkTheRope: He fed me his warped version of reality so often that I doubted my own thoughts & feelings #WhyIStayed. I learned to trust myself #WhyILeft.
* Caitlin Constan: #WhyIStayed Because I was so ashamed. I’m still kind of ashamed to be posting this online. Imagine how I felt when it was happening.
* SassyLibrarian1: “You can mute me. You can mock me. But I’m done being silent. #WhyILeft”
[From #WhyIstayed & #WhyIleft on Twitter]
That last example is poignant. Lots of tweeters asked why it was even necessary for these hashtags to exist. Like … why didn’t these women “just leave“? And you know … stop cluttering the Twitter stream up with uncheery things too. Sigh. Unless you’ve experienced DV firsthand, you have no idea what it feels like. No judgment. Let these women speak.
Meanwhile, DiGiorno used the #WhyIStayed tag as an advertisement. Gross.
Photos courtesy of Getty & WENN
